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  • Writer's pictureDr Aman Kwatra

Looking at Oneself

It is only quite recent that I have become aware that I am, and that I am not. For long, I have been looking for myself, without knowing what it is that I have been looking for. Often, still, it is only when the writer is in stillness; stillness in thought, in body, in contemplation, in feeling that a momentary glimpse of what I am is witnessed. The writer doesn't yet have the words to describe that which is beyond the I. It is a witness in stillness, a mind looking at itself - perhaps not quite clearly yet, but as if through patiently waiting for the ripples in the water to still, so that the reflection becomes true. These ripples are the rise and fall of thoughts, feelings, sensations, desires, hopes, dreams, lust, fantasies, emotions, judgements and much other that hides away the clarity. These ripples rise within me and fall within me. Sometimes they are me. Yet, the writer can't let go of them anymore, because there is nothing to hold anymore. But sometimes they still hold me. Then the writer notices them and they go back to that from where they come.

I was once looking for myself. There is one now that is looking at oneself.

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